Thursday, June 11, 2015

Obleak City. Day 2.

           My life's been pretty lowbrow radical (if that even makes sense) ever since I graduated college. It's super unpredictable. Well, life, in general, is unpredictable but I've never really seen my life plotted on some path towards a singular goal that's why it feels like I'm all over the place. I don't have those, "five more years of med school" or "four more years of law school, then study for board exams, then work for Annalise Keating and start getting away with murders." It's not that simple for me.

          You see, I have all these dreams and aspirations on what I want to be or where I want to be but I worry too much and think about the risks too much that it prevents me on getting to my end goal faster (but there never really is an end goal. See Matthew McConaughey's Oscars speech*.) I wish I were one of those people who could just drop everything and lead with their dreams (with caution, of course). Maybe then, I'd get to see some sort of tunnel vision of my future.

          Every month or so, I'd start thinking about what I had been up to in the previous year. Like, June of last year, I was in Dallas, Texas. My sister and I went there to visit her boyfriend. We were there for about 10 days and it was one of the best trips that I have ever had. We drove from Dallas to Austin and watched the X Games and my 13-year old self fangirled like crazy. I got to see Dillon Francis.

(A little side note, I remember I had this mental note that I should be able to see Dillon Francis within the year. I thought of it with no expectations, no plans whatsoever and then a few months later, there I was, stood amidst the crowd in the amphitheater and witnessed his speakers get shut down by the fire marshall. It was pretty awesome.)

We also visited some cool places and took lots of pictures of street art, bought some records at this hip little record store, drove past Franklin Barbecue (because I failed to convince my sister to get in the 1-2 hour line to eat there), and well, we did a few more things in the 3 days we were there. Three days is not nearly enough to explore the weird in Austin. I am definitely coming back.

          See that was last year. A lot of things happened in between which led me to now, sitting in front of my computer, headphones plugged in but with no music playing. Nothing as crazy as the X Games has happened yet and I'm itching to get out once more. But right now, I have no plans, yet again. I'm waiting to see where life takes me this time. Maybe I get to see Hozier? George Ezra? Travel to New York? (I wish.) I don't know. I don't know what I'll be doing this year or where I'll be in the next. I just wish it's going to be crazier, like jump out of a plane crazy. (And if ever I do, don't tell my mom.)

*Matthew McConaughey's speech:
Now when I was 15 years old, I had a very important person in my life come to me and say “who’s your hero?” And I said, “I don’t know, I gotta think about that. Give me a couple of weeks.” I come back two weeks later, this person comes up and says “who’s your hero?” I said, “I thought about it. You know who it is? It’s me in 10 years.” So I turned 25. Ten years later, that same person comes to me and says, “So, are you a hero?” And I was like, “not even close. No, no, no.” She said, “Why?” I said, “Because my hero’s me at 35.” So you see every day, every week, every month and every year of my life, my hero’s always 10 years away. I’m never gonna be my hero. I’m not gonna attain that. I know I’m not, and that’s just fine with me because that keeps me with somebody to keep on chasing.

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